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Wow I thought to myself. I never really thought about my aunt having sex or even masturbating. "So how do you, you know, masturbate?" I pushed. "Well just like you, I get a visual in my head and play with my clit." She said. Aunt Kay has never been one to sugar coat anything. Being curious about what she thinks about I asked "About Rob or other men?" "Well, you know both. If I see an attractive man I might use that to fantasize about." She responded.A few days later Kay brought me some books about sex. This was before we had computers and internet. "Ben, I brought some books about sex, you should look thru these." We flipped thru the books, and Kay realized she did not like how they presented the material and the pictures were vague. "Have you had sex ed at school?" She asked. "Well yes but I am still confused about what to expect. And then the guys have said.." "Don't listen to the guys, I will teach you everything you need to know. It is normal and you should be enjoy it. Sex and. ."It goes back to finding those things Sis had, you remember, and how Iquestioned you and you said she was expressing herself, presenting theinner person to the world in the best possible way?"....."Yes, and I believe I had a premonition right then about what wasgoing on.".....I remembered, she had cried (and she never cries), and said she wishedmy dad had lived to be a role model and mentor for me, that I needed afather figure in my life. So even then she had some inkling that I wasnot shaping my life into the pattern of my father......"I don't want to make you unhappy, Mom. I love you. I don't want todisappoint you. I have always tried to pitch in and help the family,haven't I? But I am growing up, I need to figure out what it means to bethe person I am going to be for the rest of my life."....."I never figured that choosing your future meant choosing not to be aman, though."....."I didn't either," I said, looking sideways at Emily. Was sheoverhearing any of this? She did not seem.
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